Dave Excuses, Ranked From Pathetic to Legendary

Every Dave has a reason. Some of them even sound legal.

  1. "I thought it started at 7." It started at 6. He knew. The hat knew.
  2. "My phone died." Mysteriously, right after the group chat got spicy.
  3. "I was helping a friend move." Friend = couch. Move = horizontal.
  4. "Traffic." Translation: he circled the block until the parking karma improved.
  5. "I brought snacks." He brought one bag of chips and the energy of a man who expects applause.
  6. "Trust me." Legendary tier. No evidence. Maximum Dave.

If you've heard three of these this week, congratulations: you live with a Davy, date a Dave, or are the problem.

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